On My Pillow


I gave you my tongue

Taped to the paper in the shape of your eyes

They say everything anyway

More than your mouth can find

I gave you my love

Scrubbed off the blood, yanked out the veins

Sprayed it with roses, filled with chocolate

Wrapped it in ribbon to hide the stains

And you left it, left it on my pillow

Said everything with the open door

It turned bitter and cold like dust in my mouth

Like blood sweating out

I gave you my skin

Covered up the bruises, covered up the red

Melted in your hands like candle wax

There’s always a space in my bed

I gave you my eyes

See the stars on your cheek, a constellation

So you can see the summer caught in your hair

See you’re laughter like cobwebs in autumn

And you left them, left them on my pillow

Said everything with the open doo

They turned bitter and cold like dust in my mouth

Like blood sweating out

I gave you me

Not much, just skin and blood and bone

Somewhere to hide your tears, to lay down your load

Sometimes just a hand to hold

And you left me, left me like the ocean

Left me gasping and salty, pulled from the tide

Coughing up water, still coughing up sand

Not even a note, just bruises for goodbyes

Like half forgotten sighs

And you left it, left it on my pillow

Said everything with the open door

It turned bitter and cold like dust in my mouth

Like blood sweating out

God I’m hollow



you say you want
to be perfect
but you don’t know
what perfection is
ten notches
carved in my bones
getting caught up
on your fingers
as you run them
along tibia,
femur, pelvis
but the rest is smooth
and white
and oh so cold -
is perfection
to me.

take me down
to the river
wash off all the dirt
and mud
and stone
let me float away
let me break apart
I am tired of being
alone with my thoughts
perhaps the pieces
will find their way
off, get lodged
in the riverbed
maybe then
I will have some peace

the river washes, you know
out to the sea
and the sea
goes everywhere
even on land, you’ve
got a little bit
of the sea in you
even if you don’t
realize it
that’s the part of you
that makes you
want to look out
across the water
and the tiny impulse
that tells you to jump
in, jump in, the water’s fine
you can swim, can’t you?
it is up to you
whether or not
you listen.

throw me into the river
and forget that you came here
I’ll be fine, I promise
even in dissolution
I’ll remember your face
for at least a little while
take a bone with you,
a finger maybe
so you can feel it
at night
when things are
and you can imagine
what I would say
but for now -
just throw me in.

Another Love Poem


I use that three-word phrase because
the alphabet cannot transcend the pounding of my heart
and create the written extent
of how much more I feel.

So I stick to kissing your bare back
in the middle of the night, when I want
to breathe in your essence. I stick to
pressing my face against your chest
when I want to enter your ribcage.

I stick to holding your hand walking through
a rainy city with T minus 5 hours left
together when I really want
to weld our palms together and keep walking
in the rain
for the next 60 years.

I write these poems heavily imbued with perfumed
word choices, because
your body deserves another world of choices
that I can’t tap into—
so this is the closest I can get.



i just want somebody who i can
cry with 
and who i feel comfortable talking to about my problems
(and not scare him away) 
and have him wrap his arms around me 
and not mind me staining his t-shirt with tears
and have him kiss me when i’m sad
(i’ll reciprocate) 

i wouldn’t mind if he’s broken 
(that would actually be better) 
but right now there’s no one 
and i’m so fucking

i just want someone to run his fingers through my hair
and let me bury myself in the crook of his neck
and tell me that everything’s going to be alright 
i want somebody i can call mine 
and i’m terrified that’s never going to happen
because in the end
everyone leaves 

Meeting you was like opening my eyes after having fallen half-asleep on a long car ride, and seeing the world as if it was an over-exposed photograph, everything too bright, the color washed out of it by the brutal sun.  It was too brilliant, and seemed unnatural at first until I adjusted; this is just how things are.
Our conversations are like trying to slow dance in the middle of the day to the music on the radio. The feeling is there and we know what we’re doing, but the beat is inconsistent and misleading and often we stumble over each other’s feet, and fragments. We step on each other’s toes and muddy our sentences but we laugh.
To know you is to enjoy spring in a fickle climate, where days may stretch warm and inviting and pleasant only to be disrupted by a cold, wet morning. But I have found beauty, too, in slogging through the mud and wind, and an appreciation of the fact that flowers cannot grow where there is no rain. 



I want to be thirty and in love
with a man who fits me like a glove.
I want to be twenty nine
holding on to what once was mine.
I want to be twenty eight
going on Friday night dates.
I want to be twenty seven
facing the eyes of heaven.
I want to be twenty six
still teasing just for kicks.
I want to be twenty five
only just beginning to feel alive.
I want to be twenty four
crying as he walks out the door.
I want to be twenty three
pretending that I am free.
I want to be twenty two
finding what I will do.
I want to be twenty one
lying under the midnight sun.

I want to truly experience
before my time is done.

The confessional.: Margot


She looks like a ’70s model, a demure gaze into the camera, under shy lashes. A grin that shows a slight gap between her two front teeth, big enough to fit a penny through.

A friend of a friend’s.
We met at a party. There were balloons and clinking glasses. Laughter. Hers was ridiculous sounding. When I made her laugh, it felt like I’d achieved something. I felt I should always make her laugh, always.

His girlfriend.
He’d just arrived and walked up to us, put his hands on our shoulders, and grinned. ‘I see you two have met!’ He let go of me and put his arm around her. ‘Sorry I’m late, honey, I was stuck in traffic.’ A kiss. Suddenly I couldn’t breathe.
He asked me what I thought of her later. I told him she was nice.
‘That’s it? “Nice”?’
‘Yeah, I don’t have a thesaurus.’
I had a universe of words about her, ready to burst out from my chest, but I bit my lip shut.

Someone took a picture of the three of us on a Polaroid camera. I asked the photographer if I could keep it.
I’m on the left, Margot’s boyfriend - my best friend - in the middle, and Margot on the right.

I put the smile on Margot’s face.
I put the smile on Margot’s face.

Silent rhymes: The girl in the marigold field


Stretched across this never ending landscape
Brighter than the sun has ever shone
She walks into this beautiful field
A field filled with golden marigolds
Every step with her cute little flat feet
Adheres to the ground
Doesn’t want to leave
Every second, she feels at home
Happier, she never has been
Her face lights up with this golden view
She talks to them
Her breath makes them bloom

Lost in translation
They may represent grief, cruelty or even jealousy
She doesn’t care
But she sees immense beauty in them
The innocence in them
She relates to them, wanting to be like them
She doesn’t realize that she’s already one of them
The rare kind, the most exquisite
The one to be loved, cherished
And never die.

The Spider


They told me that 
the longer you ignore a spider
the higher your fear of it will get

And I wondered
how the spider must evolve in that time 
how it must eat its way through the silence
how it grew bit by bit the lonelier it got 
How it managed to survive 
jumping over hurdles of irrationality 

How when you sat there and thought about it
it no longer became just a measly spider 
but the monster of your nightmares 
excessive in every way
with only one intention
to eat 
you and only you. 


I woke up to the desolate grey sky,
My bed was empty and my heart was
My bones ached and heart was
The world outside my window was spinning
Sights and sounds of those living and it

Not long ago was my face completed with a smile
And my heart filled with
Just as quickly as it came,
It went. 


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